I see we, the taxpayers of this great land are about to lend the the automakers money. It appears that they can no longer make a living producing gas guzzling behemoths that last almost 100,000 miles and then fall apart. What a shame it is that Americans buy Jap cars. The Japanese are capable of producing a car that will last 500,000 miles and still have resale value while an American car of the same vintage will be dead and long buried in a junk yard. Thirty years ago we knew we would be dependent on foreign oil but we took no steps to prevent it. What is good for GM is good for America, we were told. Well, GM, your tired old out-moded business model has failed. Your appeals to patriotism to sell cars is about shot in the foot. When I can no longer make a living the way I have been I have to change my tactics. Where the hell are electric cars, GM? Where the hell are the hybrids that will get 100 miles to the gallon of gas, GM? You crawl between the sheet with Haliburton and the Punch and Judy Show called the Bush administration and raped the American public. Now you threaten that if we do not lend you billions you will turn three million American families out on the street. Blackmail is such a nasty activity, but what other tag can be hanged on your actions. Oh do not be alarmed, you will get your money. We will baa and follow along like the sheep that we've become. It will be business as usual. You will come out of the slump and go back to what you were doing. God bless you sons of bitches. You never get so much money that your get tired of fucking us. God bless you, indeed.

Sourdough starter:

Ok, so they know more than me. All the bakers I talked to said bread machines are great but you can't use sourdough starter to leaven. You have to use baker's yeast. Sourdough is too slow to rise sufficiently in the automatic machine...So I decided they were full of it. Now, they may be full of it but they were right about this. Don't use sourdough starter to leaven bread in a bread machine...It comes out like a brick, and I don't mean like a good brick.

Soap worthiness:

Now is a good time to discuss the two catagories of 'gently used' dishware. I place all used dishes in one of two. There are 'soap worthies' and 'dustibles'. Soap worthies are obvious, most often. There is dried chili or cream gravy and barecue sauce all over them...They require a good soak while covered in water for a couple days then lots of soap.
Catagory two can be the problem. In this plate you have eaten some dry type of food. They have no visible grease on them and few crumbs. I don't consider them to be soap worthy. I dust them off and put them up. It takes grease in the plate to make dirt and germs cling...So why go to the trouble of washing them? Appearances? My solution is to never let anyone know of my system, then there is no need to discuss it.
(note from uncle Charlie: Never under any circumstances get into a discussion with a woman concerning soap worthy dishes. In fact, it's best if women never know there is such a thing. They will threaten to report you to the proper authorities.)

Just cause I think it's funny:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

Clean up tips:

I'm not a clean freak, but I don't want botulism either. Surely there has to be a middle ground. Salmonella may or may not be on chickens but I try not to ever cut myself with a knife that has cut a raw one. It strikes me it would be remarkable similar to innoculating yourself. Well, such deep thoughts are best left to physicians and happy homemakers. Me, I'm just trying to get out of the kitchen in the quickest time and relatively unscathed.
Ok..so..one little tip.. if you don't have the time or can't take the time to wash the bean pot after using the last table spoon of beans out of it, or some other such large bowl, don't put it in the sink and run water into it. You're creating a large petri dish and a perfect invironment for the germs to go into spasms of breeding joy.
Just leave the thing in the refrigerator...I know, if your mom or Aunt Mable come over, you'll look like a putz...But so what? they expect it of you.
It may not look great in there but it's safe. It's cold in there; germs can't breed for a while so you have given yourself some time. It's a gift.

Bullet tip:

• Wear your cowboy boots when spraying for roaches. When they run they will sometimes head for a safe corner...pointy toed boots can still get them...

Ok, I got a yeast fixation:

Mankind learned early about the yeast. It's present in the air, and if you leave food where it can get to it, it will reproduce.. which means it will make beer and carbon dioxide...Nice trade off. I think.
My point is that if you bake, you pretty much have to buy yeast, you would think...But...if you are the least bit adventureous or cheap, you can keep a steady supply of yeast on hand. You can set out a bowl of food for it to come dine on, or you can prepare it a nice meal, then dump in the contents of a little pack of the grocery store variety, which is domesticated...and likely free of most deadly spores and toxins you might find in the wild variety...your call.
At any rate, it will grow as u feed it weekly and you will have to use up or give away the amount that you remove from the container.. otherwise you will wind up with a pet the size of Dallas.
The yeast will produce a liquid that comes to the top of the container. It smells like beer and tastes like alcohol. The forty-niners called it 'hooch'. (the old miners, not the california football team) People who should know say don't drink it. They say stir it back into the container or toss it out. Possibly this is a dirty scheme by beer brewing companies to keep americans from learning of a cheap, potent and delightful drink. Personally I'm going to err on the side of caution and not drink it. Unless, of course, I ever find myself hoeing peas for Uncle Bud. (doing time on the state's dime) At which point I might not mind some relatively inexpensive attitude adjustment.
But I am not telling you its ok to drink this stuff. I am telling you it is not. Throw it out or stir it back into your yeast container.

Bullet tip:

• The skin off a couple pieces of fried chicken will put a nice little touch up shine on your shoes, and can be dropped on the floor and swept around til it puts a sheen on the tiles too. It drives the roaches nuts. They can smell fried chicken but they can't find it.

Bullet Tip

• Never grocery shop hungry. But don't diamond shop horny. Both states of mind can cloud our good judgement

Cleaning supplies

Cleaning supplies:
I pretty much use household bleach, which for some reason I call Clorox, even though I buy it at the dollar store and it's not technically Clorox, and Tide soap powder, which is, in fact, Tide...I just like it better. It's a little harder to get the soap off the counter, floor or whatever, but it gets it clean fast. After you scrub out the toilet bowl, a goodly amount of Clorox left to stand in the water makes me think it's being sanitized at least. I also soak my kitchen rags in Clorox water overnight. I really think they need to be pretty sanitary...and bleach is cheaper than alcohol...unless you used your yeast waste...no..forget I said that.

It's All Just Flour and Water:

I'm beginning with the assumption that you folks have a few basic tools in the kitchen. Now I know everyone talks about baking like it's some secret of the sister-hood, but everything from tortillas to wedding cake is flour and water, with a couple added ingredients. There's no reason a single person can't have hot biscuits or bread when he wants it.
So, get you a cast iron skillet out, grease the bottom if it doesn't have any grease in it from the week before, and stick it in the oven while you assemble your biscuit dough. Set that oven at 450 degrees and let the skillet get to smoking. Then in a big bowl you put in a couple cups of SELF-RISING flour. It has to be self rising or else you have to add baking powder. Salt it and make a low spot in the center of the flour. Then pour in a thin stream of oil while you count to three.
Now you begin to add warm water at the rate of half a cup per time, as you stir and mix.. Stop adding water when it starts to looking like bread dough. Too much water or two much stirring will make your biscuits hard, and nobody likes hard biscuits. Now get your skillet out and set it on a spot that wont burn and pinch off rolls of dough about the size of a lemon. In Texas we call these cat-heads cause they are almost the size of a cat's head. You need to roll these in a ball and put them in the skillet. You can make more biscuits but they wont be cat-heads, your call. Take your spoon and roll the biscuits around in the oil on the bottom of the skillet, then stick them in the oven.
Leave the oven about 450 degrees and take a look after about 15 minutes, depending on your oven. When they are golden brown you take them out. Don't forget to turn off the oven.


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Milestones in History:

The egyptians had beer 12,000 years ago. They may not have invented it but they wrote down recipes for it. Even back then they appreciated a good thing. But...they had no way to keep the fizz in it. No bottles with tight caps. It was all flat. It was also all hot. My only point is that yeast gave us beer when we were building the pyramids. Where was the wussy dog then? The yeast was working for us. Speaking of Egyptians, listening to George Bush speak makes me understand a little better how it is possible for a culture to worship an insect.
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A Moment of Tribute:

Oh, I can hear some of you now. He's lost it, you're saying. He starts off this weblog with an entry about yeast. Well, let me tell you something, we all have our priorities. It's sometimes said that Dog is man's best friend. Well maybe he used to run down a rabbit for us. Or even bark when a saber tooth tiger got too close to our cave. But, folks, what has he done for us lately? Not much, I'll tell you.But the yeast...oh man, he makes our bread rise and he makes our beer foamy and he puts the fun in it.He makes it BE BEER. How can we go wrong honoring a creature who eats barley and pisses beer? His farts make the bubbles that tickle our nose and make us belch so we won't explode during a Superbowl game... Think what you like, but my money is on the yeast.. Man's best friend? dang tootin.